The Body Keeps the Pain: Understanding Trauma and the Healing Process

Trauma is an experience that can leave deep marks not only on the mind but also on the body. According to leading trauma expert Bessel van der Kolk, trauma is “not simply an event that happened in the past,” but also “the imprint that the experience leaves on the mind, brain, and body.” This perspective highlights that even after a traumatic event has ended, the body may continue to respond as if the trauma were still actively happening.

Trauma can affect many areas of our lives. It can fundamentally change not only the content of our thoughts but also the way we think. Beyond cognitive changes, trauma can create a deep sense of alienation, undermine self-confidence, and lead us to feel disconnected from others. Van der Kolk explains this experience as follows: “Trauma often causes you to react in ways that do not fit your surroundings, making you feel out of sync with the world around you.” These recurring experiences may cause individuals to feel as though they are “losing their minds” or that “something is wrong with them,” creating a cycle in which they continually feel “out of alignment with the people and environment around them.” As a result, individuals may increasingly experience feelings of shame, fear, and loneliness.

Feeling disconnected from others is one of the most defining aspects of trauma. Van der Kolk draws a striking connection between this sense of isolation and the struggles experienced by veterans: “The reason returning veterans become suicidal is that they are disconnected from everyone.” During war, you have friends and comrades who depend on you, but returning home can become “an incredibly alienating” experience. These feelings can create an intense sense of loneliness that is particularly challenging after trauma.

Traditional textbooks and diagnostic approaches are often insufficient for understanding the complexity of trauma. Van der Kolk criticizes an overreliance on textbook knowledge, suggesting that it “can only take you so far” in understanding the lived reality of trauma. Using a provocative statement that a therapist’s license is “merely a license for bad practice,” he emphasizes the importance of learning from trauma survivors and their unique personal narratives. Beyond diagnostic criteria, he highlights that trauma is a deeply personal and embodied experience.

One of the most important insights about trauma is that it is not only a psychological experience but also a physical one. Van der Kolk explains this connection as follows: “The body keeps the score; the story ends, the event is over, but your body continues to feel as if the trauma is still happening.” This perspective helps explain why people may continue experiencing emotional and physical difficulties long after a traumatic event has passed. The body remains in a constant state of alertness, influenced by the impact of past trauma.

Healing from trauma requires a multidimensional approach that helps individuals feel safe and regain a sense of autonomy. Effective therapeutic interventions support reconnecting with the body and improving self-regulation. Van der Kolk highlights the importance of unlocking “the natural creativity of traumatized people” and points to approaches such as Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) and yoga as highly effective methods for trauma recovery. Connections with others also play a vital role in healing. As Van der Kolk explains, love is “the glue that holds our lives together,” and in its absence, life can lose its sense of meaning. Trauma can deeply affect this fundamental human need, disrupting the ability to build and maintain healthy relationships and leading to profound feelings of isolation and disconnection. Therefore, developing trust, compassion, and mutual understanding within relationships can help trauma survivors feel safe and supported, becoming one of the most important parts of healing.

Van der Kolk emphasizes that trauma is not limited to war, stating that “for every soldier traumatized in war, there are 30 children abused at home,” drawing attention to the broader societal dimensions of trauma. He further deepens this perspective by adding that while the experiences of men in war often become headlines and receive widespread attention, the suffering of women within the home is frequently overlooked and, at best, hidden in the back pages of newspapers. This highlights that trauma is not solely an individual issue but also a significant social concern, one that often leaves domestic violence and hidden suffering underrecognized.

Understanding trauma’s effects on the mind, brain, and body begins with recognizing that it is not merely a psychological phenomenon. Understanding how the body “remembers” trauma and how relationships contribute to healing can help individuals develop healthier connections both with themselves and with others. By addressing trauma not only on emotional or cognitive levels but also through physical and social dimensions of healing, we can create opportunities for deeper awareness and support a more holistic journey toward recovery.